I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize