HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Randomize
