What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
