how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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