you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I want to be your penis for a week.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize