I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
