i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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