Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
