I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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