Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you will always have a special place in my vag
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
