It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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