I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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