That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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