Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
