I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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