my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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