After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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