i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
