If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
