Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
