I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
