haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
