my vag is so smooth its legendary
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
