that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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