Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
