I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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