Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
