do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
