omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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