sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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