at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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