I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
