I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
