So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Michael Bay diarrhea
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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