I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
