No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
