i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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