I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize