If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize