i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
you never un-have a 4some
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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