i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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