Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
