I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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