Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
