I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
