The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
