I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
