do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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