I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
