didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
