Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
