Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Hippo gnu deer
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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