dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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