the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
