Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
they're like a gay fantastic four
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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