nut hugger
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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