My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
