i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
