Little spoons don't ask big questions
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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