I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
