but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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