until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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