Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
