Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
