We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
