ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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