so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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