Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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