Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
